Feb 18th- another pack another pimple

I'd rather go ahead and jump past the mini saga of my last appointment, but what fun would that be?

I was in New Orleans for 1 week. I left the day of my scheduled accutane 'check-in' and didn't realize it.

Days later I figured out that I royally screwed up and scheduled an appt. for the day after I returned.

Long story short; the woman taking my blood before my appointment and I almost came to blows.

Today I have relatively clear skin. Red pigmentation is definitely fading but I'm still breaking out along my lower jawline and by my mouth.

Nothing crazy, but 1 or 2 pimples at a time after 3 months of my miracle drug is kinda pissing me off.

Not pissing me off enough to be a sign of a suicidal side effect. Just enough to be a bit pissy when I look in the mirror- which, by the way I'm doing a lot more of lately.

I don't even know what day it is

 Like in Vegas, in New Orleans you lose track of time. It is Tuesday February somethingth.

  My photographer and I have been in the crescent city since Friday. Working 15-18 hour days.

First for a special 'here's how NOLA does Mardi Gras' story. 

Then we hung around for the Superbowl watch parties knowing the Saints wouldn't win. Then they did.  So there we were live on Bourbon street for 2 nights in a  row. 

  Brian Williams let us borrow his sweet suite on the most hoppin' street in the French Quarter high above the street. Great live shot location! The Nightly News crew was so kind just handing us over their key.

  A few months back I spotted the same Reporter in Fort Hood. Then she's in New Orleans. And I imagine that I know everything about her.

 She's maybe married or in a serious relationship, early 40's, a cat, no kids, no fuss lifestyle- condo or apartment without a yard to mow. No Acne. They're broadcasting in high def, afterall.

  If she's traveling everywhere all the time she must have to live out of a suitcase.

Then I realized if she saw me in Fort Hood and now in New Orleans, she may think the same about me. Sans the No Acne part.

 

Absent Minded : February 5th

New Schedule at work. New puppy. Marathon recovery. Half caff coffee . All reasons that apparently I'm incapable of updating my blog.

Excuses behind, things are going..well...good to great.

The bad news.. I still have acne.

The good news..the redness I've suffered from for years is basically gone. It was a mean redness too, raw and stinging and itching and persistent.

It showed through makeup, and was the reason I had to cake makeup on for years. It was also the constant source of worry for me because I was sure it would leave me with that discoloration long after the active acne was gone.

That is still TBD. Even though I just read those sentences back and noticed that I unconsciously wrote them in past tense. Maybe my acne sufferers psyche is changing.

Or maybe I'm a bit on the illiterate side.

I've never been good with tenses. For years my Producers and other reporters have slapped me on the wrist because my scripts are present tense, then past tense, then some sort of futuristic made up tense that you'd only find in Avatar.

Sorry, man. I'm 24 now, young enough to change if I wanted to. Old enough to know that there are better things to focus my energy on.

January 21st : 2 1/2 Months Pics

I've known for a long time that I needed to start on Accutane.

I first began the process in August 2008 and was set to begin taking my first pill pack in October.

The problem: I was headed out of the country on a cruise ship for 1 week.

Well I guess that's not a bad problem to have.

Now in terms of filling my prescription, this wouldn't ordinarily be a problem. I'd be given my scrip at my doctors appointment, fill it that day before I left the country.

However, flighty me came in too early for a Doctors appointment, they had to wait until I was cleared in the ipledge online regulation system, which basically cleared me the day I left for my trip.

That's the government regulated system that calculates when you need to get your bloodwork done, and exactly how long you have until your prescription expires (I think it's 7? 10?)

Needless to say I did not fill my Accutane prescription in Belize. Or Honduras. Or on the cruiseship.

I convinced myself I would start the drug over when I came back to Virginia, where we were living at the time for another one of my tv gigs.

That didn't happen.

I can't help but wonder now if I would have just done it then would I have less scarring?

Probably.

However, I'm finally at a place where the results are becoming so clear.

Our new set is in. It's lit. And I stood staring at myself on a big screen plasma HD tv today while I was doing a segment in our studio. And my skin was clear.

Not perfect, not flawless, definitely some scarring visible, but I don't have zits or red lumply bumps sticking off my face.

January 19th : Back for More

Vacation is so sweet. Unless it's spent feeling your muscles and joins ache with each step of your 26.2 mile marathon.

You see, you're not really supposed to do activities like distance running or soccer while you're on the medicine because whatever your typical pain would be after a workout, multiply that by 20.

Or at least that's been my experience. I'm not the surgeon general.

Knowing that, and knowing me- you can guess that Yes, I went ahead and did the marathon. Yes, my doctor urged me to either quit accutane while I did it, or at least cut the doseage.

No, I didn't listen.

So here I am 2 days after my death race and I can move, but hardly. But I've got a shiny medal!

As I hobbled through the airport last night, at one point getting picked up by the electric cart, along with a 200 year old man and his 100 year old daughter, I suddenly felt terrible for ever feeling impatient for people who are hobbly.

I am super athletic. I'm super strong. And basically unwilling to show weakness. So if I'm teetering when I walk, you know I'm messed up.

The good news: it's over

The bad news: it's been 2 days of hell and I have to go put on a happy face for my co workers and the camera.

The day after the race I laid o the couch all day- then hobbled to bed.

The night after the race I'd wake up every 20 minutes unable to move my legs, bending them, lifting the covers, a breeze would send me into excruciating pain.

My parents dog, Jackson- who really used to be my dog, my husband I rescued him from doggie death row only to find out he may have been there because he ate his owners garage- was basically laying on top of me.

If you tell him to 'moooove' he will bite your face and karate kick you.

So there I am, laying in bed tearing up because I can't mooove my legs, or mooove the dog..and I can't get up to leave the situation.

That was hells night. I've still got cankles and legs so swollen that when i put them into jeans they leave nasty red 'fatty' imprints all over me where the jeans crease.

Today, since I don't feel like going into detail everytime I see someone at work about why it's really my medication that's making my recovery a bitch, I will just allow them to think that I didn't train up enough.

Good thing humility and I are like this (picture my fingers crossed).

2 Months and 2(?) weeks into my Accutane and I finally get to focus on my treatment.

NOT my marathon training. NOT my last 6 months of doggie and cat tragedy. NOT repairing my marriage (which patched itself up nicely after the doggie and cat tragedies).

It's all about me. And damnit, that's the way I like it.

January 10 ; Close of 2nd Month

8 weeks,16 blister packs, and 112 pills down. 4 Months to go.

It's not until about 1 week ago that I started seeing changes in my skin.

But when it began to happen, it happened fast. And I really had myself convinced for a few weeks there that it wasn't happening.

When I wash my face now it's smooth. I still have a couple of issues, a couple of pop up lovelies. Like this one on my cheek that just formed last night.

But instead of before where a zit would creep on into my life, one will begin and quickly go away.

My lower jowels are becoming pimple free.

I had a thought today that this must be what people who don't suffer from acne feel like : out of sight out of mind.

It's not there for 1 week and already I'm not resulting to my usual annie acne OCD behavior:

Repeatedly checking the rearview mirror to see how bad my patch of pimples looks, keeping a compact on hand at all times for spot checks, touching my face, diverting my eyes if a mirror is around.

Today I even went out in public with no makeup on and didn't think twice about people looking at me trying to play connect the dots.

I didn't think about it until I went to wash my face and realized I didn't have anything to wash away.

I did for 1 second feel a little self conscious in Sports Authority when I was browsing the womens organic workout clothes section. Yes, they have one. Yes, I bought a shirt there for my Marathon next Sunday. Yes, I'll probably smell like bamboo and rice patties.

All the 'healthy' women with glowing complexions around me- no makeup, no big pores and pimples. Do they think I'm unhealthy because my skin looks worn and wrecked?

Getting rid of the acne is step 1 for me, then 6 months before I can do laser treatments to make my skin look a bit youthful again. It deserves a damn break after this pill poppin' hell it's going through right now.

We've got a long way to go.

January 7th : Off to See the Wizard

It's the eve of a trip to the Dermatologist's Office. A little progress check.

Things are happening with my skin right now. Big things. My skin hasn't produced a pimple in nearly a week, something that hasn't happened for me in nearly 1 year.

But as I'm writing this I'm knocking on wood and crossing my fingers, toes, and eyes.

I'm of the belief that if you say it out loud, it could inevitably go downhill.

This has happened to me in job searches, house purchases, and always in issues dealing with my skin.

For years I would go into the Dermatologist once every 3 months. They'd swap prescriptions/ add a dosage/ add another tube of paste.

Tell me to put on my face morning and night, or morning or night- hard to keep track.

I'd go to bed feeling like I had a plasticky, sticky thick mess on my mug.

Here's why I'm so passionate about making sure other people know their acne treatment options.

All those Dermatologists had me convinced that just one more of this, or a little bit of that would clear my skin, they'd wean me off of it, and I'd be on my merry way.

That does not work for everyone.

Years of antibiotics is actually really dangerous. I would know, I was on them for about 3 years straight.

People need to know they have options, and preferably before their face is too pock marked to be corrected.