December 26: You've been Punked!

I dragged my ass out of bed to check off a 10 mile run.

The big race day is about 3 weeks away. I'm under prepared, but ignorantly going about this as if there's no way I can fail. If I have to crawl I will make it 26.2 grueling miles. And damnit, I will pay to do it.

When I picture my Marathon day I'm dreaming of one where I have no urge to go to the bathroom along the course. Those nasty port-o-johns freak me out.

I'm praying for no cramping, no side stitches, no hunger, and last but never least, no freagin' pimples.

The LAST thing I want to think about on race day is hiding my face from the camera peeps that jump out of the bushes to forever chronicle your Marathon.

I'm doing a fine enough job chronicling my freak nasty skin, thank you.

I limp my way back home from my run, grab a cup o'joe, and settle in to judge, criticize, and learn from my DVR'd fill-in anchoring from the night before.

I go to call up my DVR, then panic sets in.

Have I been punked? My recording shows it's 0 % full.
That's a glass half full way to look at it.
It shows it's 0 % empty.

6 Months of nightly recordings- my live shots, my stories, my digital portfolio...erased.

I allowed myself to have a mini breakdown. About 5 teardrops fell. I grieved. Then I moved on.

Major meltdowns I reserve those for life altering tragedies, a lesson learned after a seriously sad year. Losing my digital resume sucks hard. But is hardly worth another teardrop.

Then I went and spent my paycheck at Banana Republic.

Christmas Day; Should this still be a struggle?

It's Christmas Day. And I'm at work. And I'm anchoring. And I have acne. Nothing new here, and certainly nothing to put me in the Christmas Spirit.

Almost 2 months after I've started my 'miracle drug' and I'm wondering should this still be a struggle?
Should I still be in the pattern of 4 breakout bad days, then 2 okay days, then 4 breakout bad days...

Isn't this mega drug supposed to be getting rid of that vicious cycle??

I'm working on Christmas. When I tell my family this they think it's as normal as buttering your toast. When I tell my running partners the next day they think I must have the worst job in the world.

"You had to what?? That's not right". Observed my cutie little friend with the long swinging blonde hair. Picture one of those cute soccer players in high school. Y'know, Effortlessly pretty, thin, clear skin.

It may not be conventional, but it's sorta what we sign up for.
Work hard enough in my business and there's a whole slew of wonderful rewards:

Weekends off, some Holidays off, a chance to rise above the poverty level (most of us start out at around $19,000 a year).

Gain weight, look horrendous, get preggers, stumble over your words one too many times, have chronic bad acne, and you run the risk of losing those hard-fought perks.

December 24 : The Eve of a Breakout

It's the Night before Christmas, and tomorrow I'll be filling in anchoring.

Anchor is such a nautical word.

An anchor is y'know, the news dude or lady who sits behind the desk during your favorite newscast.
You'll recognize them as having a far superior wardrobe, hair style and higher salary than the rest of us.

In the News Biz, those of us who aren't full time anchors look at filling in on Christmas day one of two ways.

A. You're elated with the possibility of 'knockin em' dead and proving your talents behind the desk (potentially for the 1st time)

B. You consider the order as 'bottom of the totem pole' as it comes.

"Stacy, Greg, Cindy, Bobby, Carole and Marcia all want the day off so, you're up Alice".

I hope that Brady Bunch reference didn't leave you scratching your head.

I'll never tell which way I look at this coming Christmas shift.

But I will tell you I'll be tackling it with a couple pop-up pimples on my lower jawline.
Why get 1 when I can have 3.

That's the most absurd thing about this wicked skin condition of mine.
I can never get off easy with just 1 big zit. They attack in packs. Packs of 3, Packs of 6 like hot dog buns, then together plan out their attack, and pounce on their prey.

I'm a wounded rabbit. My skin cells can sense that I will be putting my mug on camera in a rare opportunity to head up the newscast from behind the desk.

This could lead to more filling-in..it could lead to recognition that I'm pretty darn good at this from the higher up's.

OR with big puffy red zits, it could lead to being yanked off the desk and politely being asked to get my skin under control. My biggest baddest fear.

December 21st: Acne free for the day

I'm acne free for the day. It's part of my upward swing of the annie acne pimple cycle.

Y'kow when you're on that carnival ride that's a long fire breathing dragon, or a big Viking boat.

And it swings up on one side, zooms down, then swings up on the other.

And when you get to the top and look out over the fairgrounds, you have a moment where you're not screaming, and everything's just peaceful.

Then the dragon takes a nosedive and you're shitting your pants on the way down.

We're at the top for a moment.

Not one insecurity about my skin today. Not one.

It's a Christmas miracle.

I put my mug on camera for the usual live shots for our 'newscast' and wasn't at all afraid to get up in the cameras business.

The other night I had a heart to heart with one of my photogs, not one that looks like a homeless man, another one.

A straight shootin' experienced New Yorker photog who's been there, done that, and probably has more insight into how to succeed on camera than anyone else I've met so far.

He's seen the best, worked with the best. You get the picture.

I interviewed a few famous faces and didn't turn the attention to me during the interviews.

According to my New Yorker the interview should have been as much about me as it was about them. "Get your face on camera, make the camera part of the conversation, lean into it" he said with a little Brooklyn attitude.

A great idea! Only I'm trying to hide my acne face, and leaning into the camera for a full on facial shot not the best way to keep it under wraps.

One day when I'm acne bump free I WILL do that.

And one day when I'm acne free my career will soar like that carnie dragon ride on it's upward swing, and I'll become just a bit better because I'll have that unwavering confidence I have bottled up inside.

It's in there, and soon I'll be able to let it out. But not too much because a conceited, self important reporter is an awful reporter. Trust me, I've worked with many.

December 20th : Picture this!

Picture this, my big issue with today's glamorous photo op was that I looked like an ogre, and

NOT that my skin was all kinds of red and ridiculous.

I made my husband double take my head on shot because I'm not in the business of embarrassing myself.

Unless you consider the previous 6 weeks of pimple nasty head shots and close ups I've already taken.

Exhibit A second from the bottom.

Retake very bottom.

Might look the same to you. That's all the same to me. I just prefer not to look like the larger, goofier castmate in the Goonies.

I galloped my way through a 11 mile run this morning. Or maybe trotted... the Accutane related muscle and joint pain that pulses through my legs on a run is becoming a bit more normal to me.

So I'm learning to handle it. Stretching every 2 miles, taking it easy when I need to.

The pain literally stops me in my tracks, and my once 9:00 mile is now officially an 11:30 mile.

If you're a runner, you know that translates to "I'm in amazing shape... oh, wait..I'm a big hot mess".

That all happened in the past 3 weeks. Basically since I've upped my doseage to 80mg a day.

I'm also back from a Sugary Caffeine and Gossip party. Otherwise disguised as a cookie party. The perfect excuse for women to get together and insure that their waistlines will indeed get larger this Holiday Season.

I'm less worried about fitting into my spandex running pants and more worried about a massive post sugar-high breakout.

So I only ate 6 cookies last night. Is that a problem?

AND in keeping with the low sugar decaf, alcohol free promise I made myself days ago I only had one Strawberry Rita this weekend, and 2 cups of 1/2 CAFF Coffee.

December 19th I think I see myself

I think I saw myself when I looked in the mirror today.

Most days I just see a bloodied pimple graveyard with some sallow skin around it.

I'm starting to feel like I may be seeing some real results.

I used a light dusting of bare minerals foundation and nothing else when I went out of the house to do some last minute Christmas shopping at Barnes and Noble.

I also treated myself to a massage, which is a huge deal. And not because it cost me $108. Including tip.

Annie Acne doesn't do spas often because:

A. Someone will be up close and personal feeling bad for my yeasty nasty ass

B. Wearing a full face of make-up is a bit of an unspoken 'no no'

If you go to a spa, you generally do not go with a full set of face paints on like I generally wear to leave the house.

Foundation, blush, loose powder, mineral veil, powdered sugar, you name it. If it's dry and dusty I'll go ahead and layer that on.

I'm the most sought after client at the MAC counter.

PLUS, oh the humility.

I just know what I'm in for when I go in for a facial.

"You really should get into a dermatologist- I have a good one I can recommend".

I'm paying you, remember. I get it. I have a pizza face.

This once I went into a Red Door Spa- Elizabeth Arden- not cheap.

My not too together facialist washed my face, put a cheese cloth over it and glided an electro magnetic somethingorother over the cheese cloth.

She told me that would at least dry up my breakup to help me in the future. And wished me "good luck getting that taken care of".

It took half the time, I paid full price.

December 18 Big Kid Interview

Big shot singing dancing kiddo Justin Booper was in town for a song and dance.

Although I'm technically the 'Entertainment Reporter', the only thing I really ever do is eat food and mix drinks on the job. That's not an exaggeration, it's just my reality as a 5pm live reporter.

Live at Happy Hours, Candy factories, hot shot restaurants, and more Happy Hours.

It's a wonder I'm not a 200lb alcoholic.

So when one of the teen screamiest things to hit the music scene came popping into our DMA I just had to snag an interview.

Justin Booper is dreamy. I'm channeling my inner 15 year-old here. That's what I would have said when I was reading tiger beat and lip synching to N'Sync.

I would have also said he's the ultimate performer, and kinda like a kid prodigy. He's media savvy, cute, has great hair, and is a total performer.

All the makings for a pretty fudged up adulthood. You've seen the VH1 Specials on child stars...

Here's what. 4 of us in the room. My homeless-looking photographer, the Boopinator's I dunno- tour manager? pretty cute mid-20's guy with a rastafarrian looking beanie- the Boops, and I.

Wanna guess who looked like the pimple faced teen in the group?

In most any situation you can guarantee that a teen who's hormones are a ragin' will have more yeasty zits and blemishes than their adult counterpart.

Tonight, not so.

Sure, you'll see him in 2 years doing proactive commercials.

They'll have grabbed one rogue shot of him where if you squint you can make out the startings of a blemish.

His skin was clean as a baby's bottom.

My skin was struggling to hold onto it's stability- I'm on an upward swing- a recovery from a breakout earlier this week.

Fingers crossed and breaths held it'll hold up for me for at least a few solid days.

December 16, Week 5 Just keep it real already

Trying to remind myself to just keep it real already.

For the past 5 weeks I've been giving myself a free pass to do whatever behavior I've ever felt contributed to my acne in the past.

Drinking alcohol, caffeine, eating sugary goodies, processed foods. Basically anything that is delicious in this world.

I've had ebbs and flows of cutting that crap out, and overindulging.

When I cut it out my skin gets slightly better. When I indulge it's OOC (outa control).

Since starting accutane I've been gobbling up any little morsel I could get my sticky fingers on.

Well, my skin isn't improving like I'd like it to.

Still have acne popping up here there and everywhere along my jawline, even my cheeks.

Woke up this morning to a whitehead that wasn't even there last night sticking so far off my face I'd need a the fat side of a measuring stick to get it's length.

Last night I had a come to jesus with my skin (about the 112th I've had over the years) and decided that I needed to step it up and help my accutane script help me.

Then I ate a fried empanada, a tamale, 3 sugar cookies, orange flavored fanta (caffeine free!), and a decaf coffee.

So much for skipping on pre processed.

The Public Relations woman I was with today for my live shot- singing at a Dueling Piano Bar- yes, that is news, had perfect skin.

I immediately felt the size of a flea- and wanted to run away from the piano men serenading me with Bohemian Rhapsody.

December 13,off and into a new pill pack

Tore into a new blister pill pack today.

With each set of pills I finish I'm expecting to see some type of result- clearer skin perhaps?

Well we're not quite there yet. My biggest problem is these blistery bloody red things left behind by pimples that began to form.

My face just looks chicken pocked and bloodied without makeup on.

It's the first time in at least a week I've felt super comfortable on camera- my skin finally cooled off after a hell week of emerging zits growing like mounds of earthen rock from my face.

Yesterday I was live at a bar then live at a Menorah lighting. Nothing strange to see here, folks..

I did catch a side view of my face on camera and shrieked! Feel good, think I look good, but the camera don't lie.

My joints, bones and muscles are still aching from my nearly 19 mile run Sunday- joint aches are one of the more common side effects for people taking accutane- and I bet those people didn't train for a Marathon while on it.

December 12- Closing out Week 5

Closing out week 5 on Accutane just the way I started it, a hot red mess.

Inflammation, check. Spotty red bloody looking pimple left-overs, check. Discoloration, check.

I'm now convinced that the antibiotic I took for the first 4 weeks of treatment (b/c no one told me not to) basically didn't allow Accutane to be as active in my body as it should have been.

Okay, I'm staying positive.

On the plus side, I went out looking like a pink powder puff while I ran a 30K today (18.6 disgusting miles).

Though I think it's safe to say we were all more concerned about not losing toenails, staying hydrated, and not collapsing along the course than sizing up people's powder puff pink outfits and acne to match.

As a rule I generally try to avoid pink because pink clothes show off a pink face.

Well, I went for ALL pink today- and no makeup.

Was I treated as less than I am when I'm all dolled up and out and about for work? Absolutely.

Maybe that's what's so weird for me about this acne disease.

Annie Acne is invisible without concealer, but a beauty queen when she's painted up on tv.

I'm required to paint my face like a geisha for work.

On camera I'm pretty, my acne is visible, but the clothes, the hair- everything else so pulled together- and I'm doted on by people I work with for stories.

I dote on them too. I'm not trying to sound like I'm important- it's just I know how to make friends and get along with people- and we use each other to create a great product.

It's not hard to ask for something you need from a client or pr person or joe blow when you look good.

If I would've approached someone today for an interview "hey, you're running 18.6 miles that's so great- mind if I chat with you on camera"?

Eyes would roll, feet would keep pounding the pavement, and I'd likely be smelling the rubber as they zoomed away.

Oh and did I mention- side effect numero uno- my achey joints had me almost collapsing throughout the race.

December 10th - on into month 2 & a face full of Pimples

On into month 2- and day 2 with no 'dangerous drug interaction' since I've stopped my antibiotic Doryx.

Y'know, the one no one told me had a bad interaction if taken while I take my accutane scrip.

Took them both together for about 1 month- guess all's well since I didn't sprout a 3rd arm or break out in hives.

I'm feeling really achey knee joints- I'm sure there's a right way to say that, but I don't know it- so we'll go with knee joints.

And even though I keep trying to convince myself it's just achey runners knees (I'm 1 month and 7 days away from running a marathon) I kind of feel this may be a side effect I'm experiencing. Fingers crossed it'll just go away.

Today was an interview with the band Sister Hazel- a big deal in the late 90's. Really nice guys. Our station was sponsoring one of their shows- so I took my face full of acne on over there and did some interviews.

It's really bad right now. I'm coming off a MAJOR breakout. And I'm into month 2. I think it should be dunzo right about now.

We did the interview in my favorite style- camera off the shoulder, me in the shot candidly interviewing the guys.

Only, as the camera catches the side of my face you can see my 3-6 breakouts on either cheek.

I loved spending 20 minutes watching the tape back to write down what they said and when- to later use in my story- slow it down, speed it up, catch that awesome acne shot again.

What must people think when they are being interviewed by me- it must be so distracting.

"Oh, what a cute girl. Wow, she's really a great interviewer. It's too bad she's got that terrible skin".

That's what they said to me today. Minus the skin part.

"Wow. Job well done. you really did a great job, and we are interviewed by a lot of people".

Or something like that

To which my smartass said "Thanks you did great, too". I don't really have a filter, it's something I'm working on.

The guys wanted us to stay and 'hang' after the show.

The only thing I wanted to do was run home, strip off my makeup and crawl under the covers with my dogs. They don't care about pimply skin as long as my pimply ass gets them dog chow morning and night.

December 6th: End of Week 4

Checking off one month of chapped lips, peeling skin, and pill poppin'.

And on my 1 month anniversary, an anniversary surprise. Today I have 4 new breakouts.

All lower jaw, 2 on diff't spots on my chin.

All scream 'look at me!' When I speak.

Oh, And what a thrill- the occasional invite by my management to fill-in on the desk.

To think I'm anchoring 2 newscasts tomorrow. Asking viewers to 'look at me' to get their news.

What can I say to the career boosting invite? "No thanks I don't want to anchor the news. I actually have red pimples popping through my skin, and I think viewers will either watch because it's a train wreck, or scream and hurl their remotes at the tv" .??

What. The. Eff.

I know why I'm breaking out - Once this week I forgot one of my pills, then 2 days later I did it again. I go to get blood drawn tomorrow then I'm in for round 2 of my prescription.

Overall, I know this prescription is changing my life. Why does it have to take so long??

Today I smiled for the camera for my weekly acne faced photo op.

My husband does me a favor and takes the lovely snapshots for me.

Today he took them, then as an added bonus I grabbed my adorable puppy 'Barrett' or 'Sunshine Bear' for short.

My idea: a snapshot of how bad my skin was when he was little.

Apparently my adoring husband had other plans.

Unbeknownst to me he decided it would be appropriate to email that puppy pic to his family.

Then when I found out he acted like it was my problem that I cared that my skin was hot red with dots all over.

Really? BTW Barrett is the one on the right.

November 30: Day 23

As I'm writing this I'm realizing I've forgotten to take my potent pill tonight. Rats. Double Ratz.

Time out.

Back. I think accutane gets a bad wrap. I'm training for a marathon and WAY behind.

This morning I was running thinking about how far behind I am and suddenly my head was piercing with pain.

First thought: it's a side effect.

Second thought: could be the fact that I'm so dehydrated I'm peeing neon yellow.

My husband is a mild hypochondriac. Or was a mild hypochondriac and has elevated to a full blown drug researchin' fool.

We have drugs from years back in our medicine cabinet. With different patients names on them "just in case".

We have about 3 knee braces, 2 ankle braces, a mouth guard to prevent teeth grinding, a toe wedge for comfort sleeping, and miscellaneous ice packs stored in the freezer.

If I so much as suggest a sore throat I'm gifted a pack of tylenol flu or tylenol cold or tylenol cold and flu, cough drops, and kleenex. It's sweet, but you get the point.

After I brought home my accutane scrip that looked more like a 6 pack of space food with an encyclopedia to read up on, we went over it together.

You've gotta make sure someone's watching to make sure you don't dive off the deep end.

An accutane buddy. He's my accutane buddy.

The next day I'm telling him how much I want a glass of pino and he's telling me that I'm not allowed.

That's not something we went over together while reading the drug must-do's, and more importantly, do-nots.

He must have wiki'd it. Or gotten out the highlighter and settled in with a cup of coffee after I left the house. Suspect.