December 26: You've been Punked!

I dragged my ass out of bed to check off a 10 mile run.

The big race day is about 3 weeks away. I'm under prepared, but ignorantly going about this as if there's no way I can fail. If I have to crawl I will make it 26.2 grueling miles. And damnit, I will pay to do it.

When I picture my Marathon day I'm dreaming of one where I have no urge to go to the bathroom along the course. Those nasty port-o-johns freak me out.

I'm praying for no cramping, no side stitches, no hunger, and last but never least, no freagin' pimples.

The LAST thing I want to think about on race day is hiding my face from the camera peeps that jump out of the bushes to forever chronicle your Marathon.

I'm doing a fine enough job chronicling my freak nasty skin, thank you.

I limp my way back home from my run, grab a cup o'joe, and settle in to judge, criticize, and learn from my DVR'd fill-in anchoring from the night before.

I go to call up my DVR, then panic sets in.

Have I been punked? My recording shows it's 0 % full.
That's a glass half full way to look at it.
It shows it's 0 % empty.

6 Months of nightly recordings- my live shots, my stories, my digital portfolio...erased.

I allowed myself to have a mini breakdown. About 5 teardrops fell. I grieved. Then I moved on.

Major meltdowns I reserve those for life altering tragedies, a lesson learned after a seriously sad year. Losing my digital resume sucks hard. But is hardly worth another teardrop.

Then I went and spent my paycheck at Banana Republic.

Christmas Day; Should this still be a struggle?

It's Christmas Day. And I'm at work. And I'm anchoring. And I have acne. Nothing new here, and certainly nothing to put me in the Christmas Spirit.

Almost 2 months after I've started my 'miracle drug' and I'm wondering should this still be a struggle?
Should I still be in the pattern of 4 breakout bad days, then 2 okay days, then 4 breakout bad days...

Isn't this mega drug supposed to be getting rid of that vicious cycle??

I'm working on Christmas. When I tell my family this they think it's as normal as buttering your toast. When I tell my running partners the next day they think I must have the worst job in the world.

"You had to what?? That's not right". Observed my cutie little friend with the long swinging blonde hair. Picture one of those cute soccer players in high school. Y'know, Effortlessly pretty, thin, clear skin.

It may not be conventional, but it's sorta what we sign up for.
Work hard enough in my business and there's a whole slew of wonderful rewards:

Weekends off, some Holidays off, a chance to rise above the poverty level (most of us start out at around $19,000 a year).

Gain weight, look horrendous, get preggers, stumble over your words one too many times, have chronic bad acne, and you run the risk of losing those hard-fought perks.

December 24 : The Eve of a Breakout

It's the Night before Christmas, and tomorrow I'll be filling in anchoring.

Anchor is such a nautical word.

An anchor is y'know, the news dude or lady who sits behind the desk during your favorite newscast.
You'll recognize them as having a far superior wardrobe, hair style and higher salary than the rest of us.

In the News Biz, those of us who aren't full time anchors look at filling in on Christmas day one of two ways.

A. You're elated with the possibility of 'knockin em' dead and proving your talents behind the desk (potentially for the 1st time)

B. You consider the order as 'bottom of the totem pole' as it comes.

"Stacy, Greg, Cindy, Bobby, Carole and Marcia all want the day off so, you're up Alice".

I hope that Brady Bunch reference didn't leave you scratching your head.

I'll never tell which way I look at this coming Christmas shift.

But I will tell you I'll be tackling it with a couple pop-up pimples on my lower jawline.
Why get 1 when I can have 3.

That's the most absurd thing about this wicked skin condition of mine.
I can never get off easy with just 1 big zit. They attack in packs. Packs of 3, Packs of 6 like hot dog buns, then together plan out their attack, and pounce on their prey.

I'm a wounded rabbit. My skin cells can sense that I will be putting my mug on camera in a rare opportunity to head up the newscast from behind the desk.

This could lead to more filling-in..it could lead to recognition that I'm pretty darn good at this from the higher up's.

OR with big puffy red zits, it could lead to being yanked off the desk and politely being asked to get my skin under control. My biggest baddest fear.

December 21st: Acne free for the day

I'm acne free for the day. It's part of my upward swing of the annie acne pimple cycle.

Y'kow when you're on that carnival ride that's a long fire breathing dragon, or a big Viking boat.

And it swings up on one side, zooms down, then swings up on the other.

And when you get to the top and look out over the fairgrounds, you have a moment where you're not screaming, and everything's just peaceful.

Then the dragon takes a nosedive and you're shitting your pants on the way down.

We're at the top for a moment.

Not one insecurity about my skin today. Not one.

It's a Christmas miracle.

I put my mug on camera for the usual live shots for our 'newscast' and wasn't at all afraid to get up in the cameras business.

The other night I had a heart to heart with one of my photogs, not one that looks like a homeless man, another one.

A straight shootin' experienced New Yorker photog who's been there, done that, and probably has more insight into how to succeed on camera than anyone else I've met so far.

He's seen the best, worked with the best. You get the picture.

I interviewed a few famous faces and didn't turn the attention to me during the interviews.

According to my New Yorker the interview should have been as much about me as it was about them. "Get your face on camera, make the camera part of the conversation, lean into it" he said with a little Brooklyn attitude.

A great idea! Only I'm trying to hide my acne face, and leaning into the camera for a full on facial shot not the best way to keep it under wraps.

One day when I'm acne bump free I WILL do that.

And one day when I'm acne free my career will soar like that carnie dragon ride on it's upward swing, and I'll become just a bit better because I'll have that unwavering confidence I have bottled up inside.

It's in there, and soon I'll be able to let it out. But not too much because a conceited, self important reporter is an awful reporter. Trust me, I've worked with many.

December 20th : Picture this!

Picture this, my big issue with today's glamorous photo op was that I looked like an ogre, and

NOT that my skin was all kinds of red and ridiculous.

I made my husband double take my head on shot because I'm not in the business of embarrassing myself.

Unless you consider the previous 6 weeks of pimple nasty head shots and close ups I've already taken.

Exhibit A second from the bottom.

Retake very bottom.

Might look the same to you. That's all the same to me. I just prefer not to look like the larger, goofier castmate in the Goonies.

I galloped my way through a 11 mile run this morning. Or maybe trotted... the Accutane related muscle and joint pain that pulses through my legs on a run is becoming a bit more normal to me.

So I'm learning to handle it. Stretching every 2 miles, taking it easy when I need to.

The pain literally stops me in my tracks, and my once 9:00 mile is now officially an 11:30 mile.

If you're a runner, you know that translates to "I'm in amazing shape... oh, wait..I'm a big hot mess".

That all happened in the past 3 weeks. Basically since I've upped my doseage to 80mg a day.

I'm also back from a Sugary Caffeine and Gossip party. Otherwise disguised as a cookie party. The perfect excuse for women to get together and insure that their waistlines will indeed get larger this Holiday Season.

I'm less worried about fitting into my spandex running pants and more worried about a massive post sugar-high breakout.

So I only ate 6 cookies last night. Is that a problem?

AND in keeping with the low sugar decaf, alcohol free promise I made myself days ago I only had one Strawberry Rita this weekend, and 2 cups of 1/2 CAFF Coffee.

December 19th I think I see myself

I think I saw myself when I looked in the mirror today.

Most days I just see a bloodied pimple graveyard with some sallow skin around it.

I'm starting to feel like I may be seeing some real results.

I used a light dusting of bare minerals foundation and nothing else when I went out of the house to do some last minute Christmas shopping at Barnes and Noble.

I also treated myself to a massage, which is a huge deal. And not because it cost me $108. Including tip.

Annie Acne doesn't do spas often because:

A. Someone will be up close and personal feeling bad for my yeasty nasty ass

B. Wearing a full face of make-up is a bit of an unspoken 'no no'

If you go to a spa, you generally do not go with a full set of face paints on like I generally wear to leave the house.

Foundation, blush, loose powder, mineral veil, powdered sugar, you name it. If it's dry and dusty I'll go ahead and layer that on.

I'm the most sought after client at the MAC counter.

PLUS, oh the humility.

I just know what I'm in for when I go in for a facial.

"You really should get into a dermatologist- I have a good one I can recommend".

I'm paying you, remember. I get it. I have a pizza face.

This once I went into a Red Door Spa- Elizabeth Arden- not cheap.

My not too together facialist washed my face, put a cheese cloth over it and glided an electro magnetic somethingorother over the cheese cloth.

She told me that would at least dry up my breakup to help me in the future. And wished me "good luck getting that taken care of".

It took half the time, I paid full price.

December 18 Big Kid Interview

Big shot singing dancing kiddo Justin Booper was in town for a song and dance.

Although I'm technically the 'Entertainment Reporter', the only thing I really ever do is eat food and mix drinks on the job. That's not an exaggeration, it's just my reality as a 5pm live reporter.

Live at Happy Hours, Candy factories, hot shot restaurants, and more Happy Hours.

It's a wonder I'm not a 200lb alcoholic.

So when one of the teen screamiest things to hit the music scene came popping into our DMA I just had to snag an interview.

Justin Booper is dreamy. I'm channeling my inner 15 year-old here. That's what I would have said when I was reading tiger beat and lip synching to N'Sync.

I would have also said he's the ultimate performer, and kinda like a kid prodigy. He's media savvy, cute, has great hair, and is a total performer.

All the makings for a pretty fudged up adulthood. You've seen the VH1 Specials on child stars...

Here's what. 4 of us in the room. My homeless-looking photographer, the Boopinator's I dunno- tour manager? pretty cute mid-20's guy with a rastafarrian looking beanie- the Boops, and I.

Wanna guess who looked like the pimple faced teen in the group?

In most any situation you can guarantee that a teen who's hormones are a ragin' will have more yeasty zits and blemishes than their adult counterpart.

Tonight, not so.

Sure, you'll see him in 2 years doing proactive commercials.

They'll have grabbed one rogue shot of him where if you squint you can make out the startings of a blemish.

His skin was clean as a baby's bottom.

My skin was struggling to hold onto it's stability- I'm on an upward swing- a recovery from a breakout earlier this week.

Fingers crossed and breaths held it'll hold up for me for at least a few solid days.

December 16, Week 5 Just keep it real already

Trying to remind myself to just keep it real already.

For the past 5 weeks I've been giving myself a free pass to do whatever behavior I've ever felt contributed to my acne in the past.

Drinking alcohol, caffeine, eating sugary goodies, processed foods. Basically anything that is delicious in this world.

I've had ebbs and flows of cutting that crap out, and overindulging.

When I cut it out my skin gets slightly better. When I indulge it's OOC (outa control).

Since starting accutane I've been gobbling up any little morsel I could get my sticky fingers on.

Well, my skin isn't improving like I'd like it to.

Still have acne popping up here there and everywhere along my jawline, even my cheeks.

Woke up this morning to a whitehead that wasn't even there last night sticking so far off my face I'd need a the fat side of a measuring stick to get it's length.

Last night I had a come to jesus with my skin (about the 112th I've had over the years) and decided that I needed to step it up and help my accutane script help me.

Then I ate a fried empanada, a tamale, 3 sugar cookies, orange flavored fanta (caffeine free!), and a decaf coffee.

So much for skipping on pre processed.

The Public Relations woman I was with today for my live shot- singing at a Dueling Piano Bar- yes, that is news, had perfect skin.

I immediately felt the size of a flea- and wanted to run away from the piano men serenading me with Bohemian Rhapsody.

December 13,off and into a new pill pack

Tore into a new blister pill pack today.

With each set of pills I finish I'm expecting to see some type of result- clearer skin perhaps?

Well we're not quite there yet. My biggest problem is these blistery bloody red things left behind by pimples that began to form.

My face just looks chicken pocked and bloodied without makeup on.

It's the first time in at least a week I've felt super comfortable on camera- my skin finally cooled off after a hell week of emerging zits growing like mounds of earthen rock from my face.

Yesterday I was live at a bar then live at a Menorah lighting. Nothing strange to see here, folks..

I did catch a side view of my face on camera and shrieked! Feel good, think I look good, but the camera don't lie.

My joints, bones and muscles are still aching from my nearly 19 mile run Sunday- joint aches are one of the more common side effects for people taking accutane- and I bet those people didn't train for a Marathon while on it.

December 12- Closing out Week 5

Closing out week 5 on Accutane just the way I started it, a hot red mess.

Inflammation, check. Spotty red bloody looking pimple left-overs, check. Discoloration, check.

I'm now convinced that the antibiotic I took for the first 4 weeks of treatment (b/c no one told me not to) basically didn't allow Accutane to be as active in my body as it should have been.

Okay, I'm staying positive.

On the plus side, I went out looking like a pink powder puff while I ran a 30K today (18.6 disgusting miles).

Though I think it's safe to say we were all more concerned about not losing toenails, staying hydrated, and not collapsing along the course than sizing up people's powder puff pink outfits and acne to match.

As a rule I generally try to avoid pink because pink clothes show off a pink face.

Well, I went for ALL pink today- and no makeup.

Was I treated as less than I am when I'm all dolled up and out and about for work? Absolutely.

Maybe that's what's so weird for me about this acne disease.

Annie Acne is invisible without concealer, but a beauty queen when she's painted up on tv.

I'm required to paint my face like a geisha for work.

On camera I'm pretty, my acne is visible, but the clothes, the hair- everything else so pulled together- and I'm doted on by people I work with for stories.

I dote on them too. I'm not trying to sound like I'm important- it's just I know how to make friends and get along with people- and we use each other to create a great product.

It's not hard to ask for something you need from a client or pr person or joe blow when you look good.

If I would've approached someone today for an interview "hey, you're running 18.6 miles that's so great- mind if I chat with you on camera"?

Eyes would roll, feet would keep pounding the pavement, and I'd likely be smelling the rubber as they zoomed away.

Oh and did I mention- side effect numero uno- my achey joints had me almost collapsing throughout the race.

December 10th - on into month 2 & a face full of Pimples

On into month 2- and day 2 with no 'dangerous drug interaction' since I've stopped my antibiotic Doryx.

Y'know, the one no one told me had a bad interaction if taken while I take my accutane scrip.

Took them both together for about 1 month- guess all's well since I didn't sprout a 3rd arm or break out in hives.

I'm feeling really achey knee joints- I'm sure there's a right way to say that, but I don't know it- so we'll go with knee joints.

And even though I keep trying to convince myself it's just achey runners knees (I'm 1 month and 7 days away from running a marathon) I kind of feel this may be a side effect I'm experiencing. Fingers crossed it'll just go away.

Today was an interview with the band Sister Hazel- a big deal in the late 90's. Really nice guys. Our station was sponsoring one of their shows- so I took my face full of acne on over there and did some interviews.

It's really bad right now. I'm coming off a MAJOR breakout. And I'm into month 2. I think it should be dunzo right about now.

We did the interview in my favorite style- camera off the shoulder, me in the shot candidly interviewing the guys.

Only, as the camera catches the side of my face you can see my 3-6 breakouts on either cheek.

I loved spending 20 minutes watching the tape back to write down what they said and when- to later use in my story- slow it down, speed it up, catch that awesome acne shot again.

What must people think when they are being interviewed by me- it must be so distracting.

"Oh, what a cute girl. Wow, she's really a great interviewer. It's too bad she's got that terrible skin".

That's what they said to me today. Minus the skin part.

"Wow. Job well done. you really did a great job, and we are interviewed by a lot of people".

Or something like that

To which my smartass said "Thanks you did great, too". I don't really have a filter, it's something I'm working on.

The guys wanted us to stay and 'hang' after the show.

The only thing I wanted to do was run home, strip off my makeup and crawl under the covers with my dogs. They don't care about pimply skin as long as my pimply ass gets them dog chow morning and night.

December 6th: End of Week 4

Checking off one month of chapped lips, peeling skin, and pill poppin'.

And on my 1 month anniversary, an anniversary surprise. Today I have 4 new breakouts.

All lower jaw, 2 on diff't spots on my chin.

All scream 'look at me!' When I speak.

Oh, And what a thrill- the occasional invite by my management to fill-in on the desk.

To think I'm anchoring 2 newscasts tomorrow. Asking viewers to 'look at me' to get their news.

What can I say to the career boosting invite? "No thanks I don't want to anchor the news. I actually have red pimples popping through my skin, and I think viewers will either watch because it's a train wreck, or scream and hurl their remotes at the tv" .??

What. The. Eff.

I know why I'm breaking out - Once this week I forgot one of my pills, then 2 days later I did it again. I go to get blood drawn tomorrow then I'm in for round 2 of my prescription.

Overall, I know this prescription is changing my life. Why does it have to take so long??

Today I smiled for the camera for my weekly acne faced photo op.

My husband does me a favor and takes the lovely snapshots for me.

Today he took them, then as an added bonus I grabbed my adorable puppy 'Barrett' or 'Sunshine Bear' for short.

My idea: a snapshot of how bad my skin was when he was little.

Apparently my adoring husband had other plans.

Unbeknownst to me he decided it would be appropriate to email that puppy pic to his family.

Then when I found out he acted like it was my problem that I cared that my skin was hot red with dots all over.

Really? BTW Barrett is the one on the right.

November 30: Day 23

As I'm writing this I'm realizing I've forgotten to take my potent pill tonight. Rats. Double Ratz.

Time out.

Back. I think accutane gets a bad wrap. I'm training for a marathon and WAY behind.

This morning I was running thinking about how far behind I am and suddenly my head was piercing with pain.

First thought: it's a side effect.

Second thought: could be the fact that I'm so dehydrated I'm peeing neon yellow.

My husband is a mild hypochondriac. Or was a mild hypochondriac and has elevated to a full blown drug researchin' fool.

We have drugs from years back in our medicine cabinet. With different patients names on them "just in case".

We have about 3 knee braces, 2 ankle braces, a mouth guard to prevent teeth grinding, a toe wedge for comfort sleeping, and miscellaneous ice packs stored in the freezer.

If I so much as suggest a sore throat I'm gifted a pack of tylenol flu or tylenol cold or tylenol cold and flu, cough drops, and kleenex. It's sweet, but you get the point.

After I brought home my accutane scrip that looked more like a 6 pack of space food with an encyclopedia to read up on, we went over it together.

You've gotta make sure someone's watching to make sure you don't dive off the deep end.

An accutane buddy. He's my accutane buddy.

The next day I'm telling him how much I want a glass of pino and he's telling me that I'm not allowed.

That's not something we went over together while reading the drug must-do's, and more importantly, do-nots.

He must have wiki'd it. Or gotten out the highlighter and settled in with a cup of coffee after I left the house. Suspect.

November 30th: Day 22 get a close up on this one

All afternoon long I kept thinking to myself "wow! first time in months that I feel like I can see through my acne".

I'm seeing a person peering through the mirror back at me.

On Oprah a few years ago they brought this movie star good looks kinda young girl on.

Blonde, blue eyes, thin, silky hair, the whole nine,right..

Picture Tiger Woods Sweedish model wife.

When she looked in the mirror or saw her reflection in a spoon she flipped shit.

Thought she looked like a monster.

I believe her. I totally get it. Now, for me, I actually have looked like a hot mess for a while now.

Red blotches, bleeding, inflamed skin. It just looked raw.

I have a lot going for me.

Runners body, bright blue doe eyes, little feet (yes, that's a perk to me), great hair, impossibly great teeth, dimples, the ability to brag on myself.

I'm also a helluva nice person.

BUT when you have one condition, one 'problem', something that shows on the outside that feels like it can take away all your other great superficial qualities, that's just an awful feeling.

Don't put me on the couch. I get that these are not the things that make up a person.

I get it. Got it. Wrote the book.

Live tv today went without a hitch. No makeup touchups between live shots- one at 5, one at 5:30.

I used to have to cake myself in loose powder to keep from shining like a mylar balloon.

Now I don't even need to bring a compact.

Well, Okay, I do anyway just to make sure I don't have chicken wings in my teeth after I shove them in my mouth during one of those ''mmm..these are good'' live moments.

You know the ones.

Don't know how they've mastered the art of a bite and a chat simultaneously on those perky a.m. shows.

Maybe one day I'll get to ask Matt and Meredith myself.

I'm finding myself shoving more food in my mouth as of late. Not terrified of the terrifying zoom in pimple face shot.

I ain't perfect, but I can eat a chicken wing on live tv if I want to. And damnit, I should be able to.

Day 21: November 29th Report Card Day

Closing week 3 of my Accutane Adventure.

And closing it with a holiday trip filled with caffeine and alcohol has me feeling a bit inflamed right now. My skin that is.

So excited to be going back to Scottsdale, AZ to see family with some better looking skin, only to get there and face a vaca-full of intense peeling. INTENSE. Only when I've had a chemical peel in the past has it peeled so much.

From humid here to dry as a bone there. For me dry's the best kind of weather, for my skin it was straight pee-oh'd. That's how us t-v news folk write script. Not PO'd. Say it out loud with me now, pee-oh'd.

Come to think of it, I should do those pronouncers with more inappropriate works.

eff-d.

Anyway, my skin was a mix of pee-oh'd and eff-d. Not hot red though, and that was a huge improvement for me.

For the first time in months I'm not embarrassed to be caught without makeup.

I went black friday shopping (a little passion of mine) and didn't even bother to bring a makeup bag for touch ups.

Don't get me wrong, my lower cheeks and chin are still what could only be considered a hot mess.

And then today I didn't put a stitch of makeup on, no foundation, no concealer, no nothing, and I went out in public.

AND I made eye contact and struck up a conversation about vegetable steaming bags with the clerk at Kroger.

By struck up a conversation I really mean answered in a complete sentence while maintaining eye contact.

Clerk "Do there Vegetable steaming bags work well?"

Me "Yeah, I think so, my husband uses them a lot."

Impressive, huh.

I can feel my attitude about my skin really changing. Its not on my mind every millisecond of every day

Day 16: November 23rd Masking

I'm clay masking- it cools off my skin and keeps it from becoming over oily. It has been a blessing of thing to find.

But unlike before, now my accutane sucks the moisture and oil out of my skin.

Y'know those pictures of the sahara desert, where the earth is cracking because there's no enough moisture to bind it together.

Now picture that on my lower face.

I guess as I'm sitting here with this cool, tingly drying mask on, I'm realizing I should've opted for a milky moisturizer instead.

Especially since my skin was dry as a dog's bone again tonight.

I've been super moisturizing, and using a lovely self-tanning oil-free moisturizer to try to look bronzed and gorg.

I've been lookin' a little pasty on camera lately- as pointed out by my boss- politely.

Why is it that Nicole Kidman can look pale and milky and she's gorgeous. When I stay out of the sun I look green on camera. seriously, green.

I did feel good today though, for the 1st time in a LONG, LONG time I wasn't self conscious about my skin when the camera was on me.

That's a weight off my shoulders.

Day 15: November 23rd a lower jawline scab

My day was so long I'm this close to eating brie cheese in bed.

Instead, I'm juggling it on a jewelry box on my hand-me-down computer desk.

Enough about brie.

The Texans took on the Tennessee Titans, which for me basically means a lot of face time with rowdy fans and a team of rowdy male coworkers.

Please god don't let a drunk fan say "hey, there's something wrong with your face".

That something wrong is that it was peeling off like a snakeskin.

I didn't notice it until we were already en route to the stadium.

And just my luck, I cleaned out my makeup bag over the weekend and selectively removed the emergency moisturizer I was keeping on hand.

"Haven't started peeling yet, don't think I'll need this one", and out of the bag it went.

Cut to just 1 day later and I'm an amphibian. On tv. Cute.

Day 14 : November 22nd Picture This!

I've officially punched out on week 2 of Claravis- the generic to Accutane.

And it's picture day!

Today I went for a run, and for the first time in weeks didn't feel stinging, burning, raw skin as I started to sweat.

It used to just burn. Today it was completely calm.

I do have a few stops around my lower jaw- near my mouth on each side of my face.

A couple of white heads have popped up.

Before I was on accutane that would cause a chain reaction of redness, swelling, and volatile skin.

Now it's as simple as a whitehead. It's here, and soon it'll be gone without leaving a catastrophic skin eruption in it's path.

Using Neutrogena foaming cleanser, ground up sulfur spot treatment, and what's left of my tube of Duac topical.

Note to self: Ask for a new prescription.

Whether this is a good day, a good week, or the start of me never having to worry about constant acne face ever again, it feels good for once to be able to look in the mirror.

And it feels good to think that people that I see out aren't focusing in on my bad skin.

And it feels good to not have to obsessively worry during a breakout that I'm screwed for at least another week until it cools off.

Picture this: I'm thinking for once about how great my skin will look in six months, not how troubled I feel about it looking bad for the last 4 years.

Day 13 : November 21 Stay at Home Zit Day

Almost at the two week point of my accutane treatment.

I'm on a relatively low dose; 20mg 2 times per day.

During the past couple of days I've really felt like my skin is changing.

I can't describe what it is exactly, it just feels easier to manage. Also when I touch it it feels a bit numb. Not in a bad way. Just numb.

Before I was on accutane if i touched it I basically felt the transfer of oils(in my head), and I swear to god I could feel a pimple sprout right then and there.

Now it's not a battlefield at the surface of my skin, it's just peaceful.

I don't think about it every second. I don't worry about covering up blemishes constantly.

Though I still have a couple that are healing up nicely.

This morning my husband commented on how different my skin is starting to look.

A lot of the redness is fading, and it's just not as ripe anymore.

Today I even indulged a little, and stopped at a MAC counter at the mall. This is huge.

I had to smile for the camera Thursday. We had a photo shoot for work. Fun, flirty, energetic!

I had three little pimples on one side of my face. Thanks be to airbrushing.

I know how it feels to be on camera for 1 minute with a pussy pop-up pimple.

Now after my photo op I'm imagining a model or actor having to be their best on camera with a huge zit.

Still photography, that's easy! Just airbrush it out.

I actually look for skin flaws when I'm at the movies. And if you're really vigillant (and obviously sick because you can't think of anything better to do with your time) you'll spot a blemish. But it's rare. Then it's gone in the next scene.

Do they send you home ? A stay at home zit day? And if so, I need in on that!

Day 10: November 18th breakout from red hot to cooling

Today I think (and hope) Accutane is to thank for my initial breakout finally cooling off.

My acne flare-ups are so predictable when I'm not on Accutane.

Even if I'm on antibiotics.

Here's a little glimpse into the last 3 years of my life fighting acne.

Let's pretend it's Sunday. Sunday I have 'perfect' skin.

No big pimples, none of the Horizon. Life is good.

And by Sunday night I've even convinced myself to put a little moisturizer on.

"Go ahead, self! Give it a try! Your skin looks so good, it definitely won't break out because of this".

I've also convinced myself it's okay to

A. take a sip of caffeine

and

B. maybe even a sip of alcohol before the night is through.

Those are all things I've previously convinced myself initiate a breakout.

By Tuesday it's breakout city.

Was it the alcohol, the caffeine, the bad karma for even thinking that I had a moment to relax?

I'm a believer in karma. I also think if you say something out loud you could jinx it.

By typing these words right now I may very well end up with a breakout, and I have a photo shoot tomorrow.

Oh, yes. Another opportunity to put my pimple prone mug out there for the world to see.

Hope they airbrush. That's very Hollywood of me.

Day 9: November 17th Get a close up on that one!

Day 9 feelin' fine.

Except for the parts of my skin that have dried into little round circles around my healing blemishes.

That then produces a foundation colored scab and begins to cake off of my skin while I'm trying to keep it covered up at work and on tv.

Today another reminder that unlike someone with a desk job who could shy away from human contact during an acne flare-up, I am not so lucky.

Obviously I want to shout out that I have it the hardest! (I'm actually smarter than this, EVERYONE with acne has it the hardest).

But I'm having a little 'woe is me' fit right now, so I'm sticking to it.

I'm expected to be full of life, and perfectly perfect while on tv- meanwhile I look like I belong behind the lens not in front of it.

That's not fair, actually. We have so many photographers that are good lookin', and surprise! none of them have lumply red bumps on their face.

I could write in detail about another tv taste test on our 5 o'clock news.

"Hey annie acne, take a sip of this" pipes the winemaker I was interviewing.

Cue the zoom in on my acne inflamed skin.

Aware that I look like a peeling, polka dotted reptile, my photographer avoids a tight zoom, and I'm pretty sure he even blurred the focus.

Thank god for great photographers!

Day 8: November 16th Playmates don't have acne

Day 8 and I'm battling dryness, and chapped (but not hurting) lips.

I'm also spitting out a little bit of a loopy, slurred speech.

That last thing may or may not have to do with my Accutane.

On tv today viewers first saw me smiling and paling around with a bar manager at a Happy Hour segement we do.

I'm supposed to show off the drinks & bytes.

In a perfect world that would mean me sinking my teeth into something- camera zooms in a bit to show the bite.

In my world I don't want to take a bite because that will draw viewer's attention to my mouth- and that is the most breakout-prone, nasty part of my face.

Nasty's a harsh word. It's not like I've got puss pockets popping out along my lower cheeks and jawline.

On second thought, that's exactly what I have.

My next shot at proving to be likeable through advertsity (acne) was my 9 o'clock live shot about a Playboy casting call.

As I edited the story with women in their bras and panties, and one with a very impressive American flag bikini (we are in a Southern state, afterall) I found myself closely examining their faces (of all things).

Can I spot a blemish? Any little breakout?

1 chickie had a small breakout on her chin. Completely coverable by makeup.

Well at least she's covering something.

Day 7 : November 15th Say Cheese

Say Cheese, it's picture day for Annie Acne!

With a flakey scalp, ever-peeling lips, a couple massive zits (I mean MASSIVE) in places I don't normally get them, I've now closed the books on week 1.

I can tell you now my skin has officially realized it's in fight mode. And hell if it doesn't put up a good one.

This is all to be expected.

Everyone who's in the Accutane know, either because they've been on an Accutane Adventure or because they monitor them, says your skin will flare up and break out when you start the meds.

Taadaaa!

I've never been so excited for picture day in my life! It's defenitely a little weird that I'm super psyched to show the world my week 1 progress (or regress) as it may be, but I am proud!

2 Months ago I was doting my face with concealer praying that no one at work, watching me work on their tv set, or at the GAP for that matter, noticed I had blemish, now I'm lettin' it all hang out.

Note the 2 pimples on my forehead. I haven't had one on my forehead since I was, I dunno, 16?

Also notable, my scalp is basically flaking off before my eyes. Fascinating.

Got a great tip from an old friend today, Jenny, who was on Accutane a few years back.

Use neutrogena foaming face wash, carry a tube of aquafor around with me for my lips, and soak up cetaphill moisturizer.

I'm on it.

Willing to take advice from anyone who had the routine down pat.

It's a relief that that routine only involves 3 ingredients.

Anyone who suffers from acne knows without Accutane it can be more like 5-10 steps each morning and night to hopefully achieve the clear skin we're after.

We're in such a daily grind aren't we?

Wake up- wash with 'x' cleanser, use 'x' toner, apply 'x' and 'y' and maybe even 'z' pimple creams, ointments, etc...then apply 'x' moisturizer.

Take 'x' antibiotics (the flavor of the month) 2 times daily.

p.s they probably won't work anyway.

For me they weren't strong enough, and after being on them for almost 2 years straight they certainly weren't a shocker to my system.

Any throwing off the balance like putting on too much of 'x' and not enough of 'x' throws your skin into pimple palooza.

Here was my routine:

Alternate my cleansers each month.

Either blue jar of clearasil that tingles like menthol, or this great organic one from Whole Foods, or any kind of neutrogena.

Use a clay mask 3-4 times per week.

Use Origins rice face scrub 3 times per week.

In the a.m.

Wash my face before a run

Wash my face after a run

Tone with Proactiv (no, it doesn't work for me, but it sure did for Jessica Simpson)

Put on Duac (topical to treat breakouts)

Put on makeup

Nights in bed were spent holding 3 tubes of prescription topicals after a good wash.

Put on the RetinA, wait for it to dry COMPLETELY.

Put on the Duac, wait for it to dry COMPLETELY.

Put on the Finacea, wait for it to dry COMPLETELY.

I'd wake up COMPLETELY sticky and greasy.

Day 6 : November 14 bring on the breakouts

Almost done with WEEK 1 and I'm having random painful little nagging breakouts all along my jawline and chin- same as usual.

I'm REALLY starting to peel. My lips are getting even more chapped.

All to be expected according to the Accutane Alum.

I also have a random pimple surprise on my forehead which NEVER happens for me.

After years of researching my personal acne causers I know my hormones (or more appropriately, lack there of) cause me to break out just along my lower face/and jaw.

Lower jawline breakouts can be associated with too much testosterone.

Makes sense.

Up until the last couple of months (exceptionally sad months- 3 pets died of random illnesses) I haven't cried for at least 2 years.

Before that you could conclude that I'm either a total badass OR I am lacking some of the estrogen that keeps us women on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster.

There are many hormonal issues I deal with (or lack there of)- which I'm completely sure have everything to do with my adult acne.

I haven't had a period in 3 years.

TMI? probably.

Surprise! That's about the same time Annie Acne's skin went from glossy and gorg to pimply and nodular; not 'tubular!', but lumply, bumpy, and shrek-like.

Day 5: Oh, what the hell

My right side of my face has a pulse. Oh what the hell.

One thing I can't wait to leave in annie acne's past life : the pain that comes with a breakout.

Swelling, tenderness. When the pimple hurts you know it will be days until it's healed.

Days, possible additional little breakouts near the source breakout, if you're lucky that will include whiteheads that are too unsightly to cover with foundation.

So your choice becomes:

a. pop it therefore leaving that spot raw and red- and punching your one way ticket to scarring- or so my derm tells me

b. ignore it, and let that big 'ole whitehead shine on through your makeup.

Both lovely options.

The Accutane IS starting to kick in. I can tell because my lips are chapping, and before the peeling sets in, they're sort of swollen.

Accutane and I are in our honeymoon phase.

The mild lip swelling is a side effect I don't mind . Nobody ever complained about Angie's gorgeous pout.

Of course Angie doesn't have an acne face. I (for now) do.

Come to think of it.. there are a few differences between us.

Not the least of which I'm not supporting a small international soccer team.

Day 4 : November 11th

Dear Diary,

my skin sucks.

I know this NOT because I looked in the mirror today (which I avoided at all costs, except to cake on my makeup for work).

Instead, I caught a close-up of my face on camera when we were shooting at an event today.
Hairy Scary.
Then I had to take that pie face video and put it on TV for our 9 o'clock news.

That's quite possibly the worst part about my job.
When I'm having a bad skin day (360 days a year) I have to put my friendly face on camera.
There are no sick days for annie acne.

The left side of my face is great. The right side looks like a Pizza Hut meat lovers special.
I was told there would be a flare-up before things got better.

Does it come with a side of breadsticks?

Day 3 Annie Acne's Accutane Adventure : Nov 10

Day 3 and I'm feelin' good.

Interviewed Twilight Castmembers today.

Score.

Only had one big pimple on the side of my face.

Undetectable in my snap shot with the guys.

It was right where I always get them, lower cheek upper jaw near my mouth.

It really is amazing that I don't have deep scarring all around my jaw and lower cheeks.

Mark that as something to be thankful for.

Looking at the movie stars I saw clear skin ahead.

Not one tiny bump, scar, or blackhead.

Guess that's why they get paid the big bucks. (and yes, I do look for those things, I get green over people with A+ skin, I quietly empathize with people who have it like me).

One change I'm already starting to notice with my new Accutane scrip, a bit of a flare up doesn't mean a pimple that comes with a pulse.

My Overnight Cure

By Monday morning I'd convinced myself I was already in the clear.

Accutane (I'm told) isn't an overnight fix.

I have 4 years as an acne warrior under my belt.

I'm an educated woman.

Yet just over 30 hours into treatment I'm ready to declare victory.

My small victory really is that I'm not yet feeling these alleged side effects.

I do feel a little goofy about an hour after I take a pill- maybe a bit drowsy- but I'm also just coming off a 4 day work trip that packed 20 hour days and overnights at the Travelodge.

At home, when my face hits the pillow at night it can mean a nasty red and blotchy breakout if the pillow is dirty.

I wonder what my volatile skin's ready to unleash for me after a cheeky sleep on a Travelodge pillow.

Day 1 - We've Got a Lot of Work To Do People

November 8 : Day 1 on Accutane (gulp)

Make sure to get my best side.

Feeling good, excited, ready to get this on!

Oddly liberating to strip down and share my dirty little secret.

Beautiful, vibrant TV news reporter by day, Annie Acne pimple warrior by night.

I'm having a cape custom made.

2 years ago it was tears after each Dermatologist appointment.

Now I'm proud to be able to share this experience with anyone else fighting the same fight.

Got my backpack full of my generic brand Accutane scrip from the Pharmacist.

Looked more like he was packing me a carryon than a pack of pills.

Take 1 pill 2 times a day. Do not suck on or chew on the pills. Well there goes that plan.

I felt like I was conducting a science experiment downing my first one.

In my brain: "How will I feel? I hope there are no side effects? I think I'm getting a headache. Not possible you just swallowed the pill 2 minutes ago. You're fine. This will be fine. I think I'm nauseous".

Great. 5 minutes in and I've already convinced myself that like everything else I've tried (proactive, chinese healers, holy water, sheeps blood, etc.) this isn't gonna work.

It is. It will. So what the hell, I'll be a bit wack for 6 months. I've been a bit wack for 24 years.

The Best Laid Plans

What's that saying again, "If you want to make God laugh tell him your plans"?

3 days after I was set to begin Accutane I found myself alone, with a dead blackberry, in a hotel room far from home. Pill-less. And 2 days off my daily dose of antibiotics .

Instead of trying my new prescription on for size I was deciding between washing my face with water or a paper wrapped bar of soap with a cartoon bear on the wrapper.
Will it make me break out? Unclear.

3 days of work for me would have me:
A. More stressed than I've been in months
B. on TV doing live shots for other stations in other big cities- LA, Sacramento, and Dallas.
C. on a diet consisting mostly soda and a Pizza Hut delivery.

This isn't exactly the equation for skin-so-good it belongs in an Aveeno ad.

Work took me straight from the station to Killean Texas on assignment.
4 Hours NorthWest of Houston.

News broke there, so off I went. No time to plan my acne regiment for the next 3 days let alone how I was gonna score a clean pair of underpants.

Waiting Waiting

Journal Entry #3 (Nov 5) : 1st day of treatment (in theory)

I'm impatient anyway. So, having me wait until someone on the other side of town plugs in some information on their computer (at their leisure) is making me a bit anxious.

The Government regulation is tight for this drug. They use an online program called IPledge.

You pledge to be on your best drug induced behavior.

Each 30 days (not before, and not after *unless your 30 days falls on the weekend then immediately after) you have to take a test, then get counseling, then the doctor tells the government that you're now allowed to have your prescription filled.

Why, Thank you!

Then the clock starts. You have 24 hours to fill that prescription or it's null and void and you have to start from square 1.

Maybe the skitzo depressive side effects from the drug are actually induced by the sheer panic of making sure you're not making a misstep.

Will I check my iPledge (IPledge not to get pregnant, jump off a building) Accutane program status every 10 minutes: yes. In fact, I pledge to.

Last Day Before Accutane

Journal Entry #2 : Last day before Accutane begins

Every day I run, every bite of food I take, every stress I encounter I ask myself this:

"Is this causing my acne?"

Do I have food allergies, does exercise make me break out. Questioning everything you do is enough to make yourself crazy and I'm certain, hard to live with (just ask my husband).

Over the past 4 years I've tried to remedy each one of these ideas I've come up with.

Just in case it's food allergies I dropped foods with a high glycemic index- caffeine, alcohol, carbs, sugars... I've been off soda for basically 2 years. In case you're wondering, it hasn't helped.

Add this to the list of things that haven't helped: a bowl of halloween candy near my desk at work.

I've seen Chinese healers.

The treatment there was unique to say the least.

First was a round of accupuncture where they would poke me with tiny needles to 'get the hot air out'.

Whatever that means.

When they poke those little buggers into your hands between your thumb and index finger you want to jump out the Chinese healers window.

As I go through this 1 dose a day oral treatment I'm about to start I'm sure I'll think back fondly on all my acne trials.

I'll remember the blind faith I put in a woman as she lit a dozen glass balls on fire then suction cupped them to my back to suck the toxins out. Yes, there are pictures...(hot,right?)

My Skin Will Not Define Me

For years I've agonized over this.

Should I or shouldn't I open up about this private struggle?

On TV I am an open book. I'm honest, and committed to showing the real me.

But was I ready for this? Ready to disclose my dirty little secret?

You've now seen my picture, my scarring left from years of failed acne treatments.

Turns out not everyone that works on tv is perfect.

For years I've covered my face with layers of makeup hoping that no one watching at home would detect my secret.

2 years as a News Anchor in Virginia- each morning I'd roll into work at 3:30 a.m. and hope to god that no one saw me before it was time to put my tv face on.

No eye contact. That was the best way to make sure no one tried to chat me up.

Now living in Houston, and onto tv job #2 what started as random break outs has progressed into a permanent facial deformity.

This has been confirmed by my dermatologist.

The first time I asked if it would leave scarring and heard a 'yes', I left the Doctors office in tears.

This is not me. This only began at age 20. This is not the way I picture myself when I close my eyes.

After years of battling adult acne I'm ready to break free of the shame, and take you along with me on my journey.

Thursday I start the government regulated drug, Accutane.

There are side effects that can be serious, the least of which intense drying of the skin, lips, etc... that should be fun to try to cover up on tv!

The worst of it: depression, birth defects, brain swelling, suicidal thoughts.

A girl I met (younger than me) at the blood lab the other day joked with me "I can be suicidal for 3 months as long as I have clear skin".

It's like she read my mind.

We both looked at eachother without makeup on, and had an honest connection.

She knew where I was, she's been through the lows, the social withdrawls.

Acne sufferers are a team. We do the same online research, search for our own cures, frequent the same doctors.

We should all hold a mini medical degree on the topic.

Yet, many of us still are not healing.

I'm opening up about this and taking you on my journey to commit myself to staying positive. Things will change, this new medication will bring the healing I've been looking for.

Can I inspire you along the road? We're in this together. .

This is unconventional. I'm supposed to convince you that I am flawless.

That the woman you see on tv each day is carefree, and beautiful around the clock.

NOT!

Journal Entry #1

2 days from starting Accutane: Hopeful, happy, inspired, and I'm ready for my cure.

Front desk lady at Dermatologist made appointment for the wrong day so I have to wait until Thursday until I officially fill my prescription. Everything else is a-okay!

Good levels on on all blood work.

Inspired that my Dermatologist had an onset of adult acne around the same age and she looks great.

She insists that Accutane will change my life. I sure hope so.

After the Dermatologist, a trip through Starbuck's Drive-through for a coffee- no makeup on, no eye contact.

Then I had to run into the grocery store for garlic powder and beef broth for Pot Roast.

Self Checkout- no eye contact- no problem.

I never make it a habit of leaving the house without makeup. Too embarrassing.