For years I've agonized over this.
Should I or shouldn't I open up about this private struggle?
On TV I am an open book. I'm honest, and committed to showing the real me.
But was I ready for this? Ready to disclose my dirty little secret? You've now seen my picture, my scarring left from years of failed acne treatments.
Turns out not everyone that works on tv is perfect.
For years I've covered my face with layers of makeup hoping that no one watching at home would detect my secret.
2 years as a News Anchor in Virginia- each morning I'd roll into work at 3:30 a.m. and hope to god that no one saw me before it was time to put my tv face on.
No eye contact. That was the best way to make sure no one tried to chat me up.
Now living in Houston, and onto tv job #2 what started as random break outs has progressed into a permanent facial deformity.
This has been confirmed by my dermatologist.
The first time I asked if it would leave scarring and heard a 'yes', I left the Doctors office in tears.
This is not me. This only began at age 20. This is not the way I picture myself when I close my eyes.
After years of battling adult acne I'm ready to break free of the shame, and take you along with me on my journey.
Thursday I start the government regulated drug, Accutane.
There are side effects that can be serious, the least of which intense drying of the skin, lips, etc... that should be fun to try to cover up on tv!
The worst of it: depression, birth defects, brain swelling, suicidal thoughts.
A girl I met (younger than me) at the blood lab the other day joked with me "I can be suicidal for 3 months as long as I have clear skin".
It's like she read my mind.
We both looked at eachother without makeup on, and had an honest connection.
She knew where I was, she's been through the lows, the social withdrawls.
Acne sufferers are a team. We do the same online research, search for our own cures, frequent the same doctors.
We should all hold a mini medical degree on the topic.
Yet, many of us still are not healing.
I'm opening up about this and taking you on my journey to commit myself to staying positive. Things will change, this new medication will bring the healing I've been looking for.
Can I inspire you along the road? We're in this together. .
This is unconventional. I'm supposed to convince you that I am flawless.
That the woman you see on tv each day is carefree, and beautiful around the clock.
NOT!
Journal Entry #1
2 days from starting Accutane: Hopeful, happy, inspired, and I'm ready for my cure.
Front desk lady at Dermatologist made appointment for the wrong day so I have to wait until Thursday until I officially fill my prescription. Everything else is a-okay!
Good levels on on all blood work.
Inspired that my Dermatologist had an onset of adult acne around the same age and she looks great.
She insists that Accutane will change my life. I sure hope so.
After the Dermatologist, a trip through Starbuck's Drive-through for a coffee- no makeup on, no eye contact.
Then I had to run into the grocery store for garlic powder and beef broth for Pot Roast.
Self Checkout- no eye contact- no problem.
I never make it a habit of leaving the house without makeup. Too embarrassing.
No comments:
Post a Comment