January 21st : 2 1/2 Months Pics

I've known for a long time that I needed to start on Accutane.

I first began the process in August 2008 and was set to begin taking my first pill pack in October.

The problem: I was headed out of the country on a cruise ship for 1 week.

Well I guess that's not a bad problem to have.

Now in terms of filling my prescription, this wouldn't ordinarily be a problem. I'd be given my scrip at my doctors appointment, fill it that day before I left the country.

However, flighty me came in too early for a Doctors appointment, they had to wait until I was cleared in the ipledge online regulation system, which basically cleared me the day I left for my trip.

That's the government regulated system that calculates when you need to get your bloodwork done, and exactly how long you have until your prescription expires (I think it's 7? 10?)

Needless to say I did not fill my Accutane prescription in Belize. Or Honduras. Or on the cruiseship.

I convinced myself I would start the drug over when I came back to Virginia, where we were living at the time for another one of my tv gigs.

That didn't happen.

I can't help but wonder now if I would have just done it then would I have less scarring?

Probably.

However, I'm finally at a place where the results are becoming so clear.

Our new set is in. It's lit. And I stood staring at myself on a big screen plasma HD tv today while I was doing a segment in our studio. And my skin was clear.

Not perfect, not flawless, definitely some scarring visible, but I don't have zits or red lumply bumps sticking off my face.

January 19th : Back for More

Vacation is so sweet. Unless it's spent feeling your muscles and joins ache with each step of your 26.2 mile marathon.

You see, you're not really supposed to do activities like distance running or soccer while you're on the medicine because whatever your typical pain would be after a workout, multiply that by 20.

Or at least that's been my experience. I'm not the surgeon general.

Knowing that, and knowing me- you can guess that Yes, I went ahead and did the marathon. Yes, my doctor urged me to either quit accutane while I did it, or at least cut the doseage.

No, I didn't listen.

So here I am 2 days after my death race and I can move, but hardly. But I've got a shiny medal!

As I hobbled through the airport last night, at one point getting picked up by the electric cart, along with a 200 year old man and his 100 year old daughter, I suddenly felt terrible for ever feeling impatient for people who are hobbly.

I am super athletic. I'm super strong. And basically unwilling to show weakness. So if I'm teetering when I walk, you know I'm messed up.

The good news: it's over

The bad news: it's been 2 days of hell and I have to go put on a happy face for my co workers and the camera.

The day after the race I laid o the couch all day- then hobbled to bed.

The night after the race I'd wake up every 20 minutes unable to move my legs, bending them, lifting the covers, a breeze would send me into excruciating pain.

My parents dog, Jackson- who really used to be my dog, my husband I rescued him from doggie death row only to find out he may have been there because he ate his owners garage- was basically laying on top of me.

If you tell him to 'moooove' he will bite your face and karate kick you.

So there I am, laying in bed tearing up because I can't mooove my legs, or mooove the dog..and I can't get up to leave the situation.

That was hells night. I've still got cankles and legs so swollen that when i put them into jeans they leave nasty red 'fatty' imprints all over me where the jeans crease.

Today, since I don't feel like going into detail everytime I see someone at work about why it's really my medication that's making my recovery a bitch, I will just allow them to think that I didn't train up enough.

Good thing humility and I are like this (picture my fingers crossed).

2 Months and 2(?) weeks into my Accutane and I finally get to focus on my treatment.

NOT my marathon training. NOT my last 6 months of doggie and cat tragedy. NOT repairing my marriage (which patched itself up nicely after the doggie and cat tragedies).

It's all about me. And damnit, that's the way I like it.

January 10 ; Close of 2nd Month

8 weeks,16 blister packs, and 112 pills down. 4 Months to go.

It's not until about 1 week ago that I started seeing changes in my skin.

But when it began to happen, it happened fast. And I really had myself convinced for a few weeks there that it wasn't happening.

When I wash my face now it's smooth. I still have a couple of issues, a couple of pop up lovelies. Like this one on my cheek that just formed last night.

But instead of before where a zit would creep on into my life, one will begin and quickly go away.

My lower jowels are becoming pimple free.

I had a thought today that this must be what people who don't suffer from acne feel like : out of sight out of mind.

It's not there for 1 week and already I'm not resulting to my usual annie acne OCD behavior:

Repeatedly checking the rearview mirror to see how bad my patch of pimples looks, keeping a compact on hand at all times for spot checks, touching my face, diverting my eyes if a mirror is around.

Today I even went out in public with no makeup on and didn't think twice about people looking at me trying to play connect the dots.

I didn't think about it until I went to wash my face and realized I didn't have anything to wash away.

I did for 1 second feel a little self conscious in Sports Authority when I was browsing the womens organic workout clothes section. Yes, they have one. Yes, I bought a shirt there for my Marathon next Sunday. Yes, I'll probably smell like bamboo and rice patties.

All the 'healthy' women with glowing complexions around me- no makeup, no big pores and pimples. Do they think I'm unhealthy because my skin looks worn and wrecked?

Getting rid of the acne is step 1 for me, then 6 months before I can do laser treatments to make my skin look a bit youthful again. It deserves a damn break after this pill poppin' hell it's going through right now.

We've got a long way to go.

January 7th : Off to See the Wizard

It's the eve of a trip to the Dermatologist's Office. A little progress check.

Things are happening with my skin right now. Big things. My skin hasn't produced a pimple in nearly a week, something that hasn't happened for me in nearly 1 year.

But as I'm writing this I'm knocking on wood and crossing my fingers, toes, and eyes.

I'm of the belief that if you say it out loud, it could inevitably go downhill.

This has happened to me in job searches, house purchases, and always in issues dealing with my skin.

For years I would go into the Dermatologist once every 3 months. They'd swap prescriptions/ add a dosage/ add another tube of paste.

Tell me to put on my face morning and night, or morning or night- hard to keep track.

I'd go to bed feeling like I had a plasticky, sticky thick mess on my mug.

Here's why I'm so passionate about making sure other people know their acne treatment options.

All those Dermatologists had me convinced that just one more of this, or a little bit of that would clear my skin, they'd wean me off of it, and I'd be on my merry way.

That does not work for everyone.

Years of antibiotics is actually really dangerous. I would know, I was on them for about 3 years straight.

People need to know they have options, and preferably before their face is too pock marked to be corrected.

January 5th : Blood and progress

Today I wrecked my morning 'me' time by going to have my blood work done.

Once a month- for six months- yet, somehow it always falls on a day when I have 1.2 million other things to do.

Like watch the 4th hour of the Today show.

And taking my sweet time getting ready for work while blasting the Eagles from my itunes.

It's a pretty sweet gig working nights.

My dad was in town for a couple of days. We used to work the same-ish shift.

Early early mornings, I used to wake up at 2:30 for work- he woke up at 3, I win.

"So you don't even need an alarm clock"? he asked as he tried to figure out what it would be like to wake up when the sun is up.

"Nope" except the answer is really "Yep", unless you're comfortable sleeping the day away. But there are dogs to entertain, runs to run, lunches to prep, dry cleaning to drop off.

And then of course, there's the 4th hour of the Today show. My secret little passion.

What a concept, getting paid to just hang out and have fun, and drink a lot of wine.

I'm in the biz, I know it's hard work.

It's not that it's 'hard' per se, but its only the kind of work some people can make look effortless.

Then when you hear someone chatting up a guest and chatting over the days headlines and it sounds a little more painful that bangin' on pots and pans... you realize that you take for granted those who can.

And Kathy Lee and Hoda, I do not take you for granted.

Back to me, damnit.

1 more good day with my skin. When I wash it it feels much smoother, but I've been here before.

While I'm hopeful that this is a turning point moment, an 'Aha', the beginning of the end, I'm a bit too pimple savvy for that runaround.

January 4: Finally, a Clear Day

After about a week of cloudy weather, we finally had a sunshiney day.

After about a week of skin to match the ickyness outside, finally it's cleared for me just in time to fill-in Anchor.

If there is a God, big ups. I needed that one.

I rushed home to watch the DVR back doing a 'skin check', hyper analyzing frame by frame to see what stands out more, my big doh eyes or any skin bumps.

Nope, no signs of pimply freak nasty acne. Which I'm sure our viewers appreciate.

Doh eyes, well those I'm stuck with- but I kinda like them.

They make me a look a little more innocent and a little less devilish. The devilish side I save for special occasions.

For about 20 minutes at work tonight me and my cubicle bud 'Marge' watched intently as the Bachelor schmoozed with his potential mates. Episode 1..the guy's from Dallas, the girls are from Mars.

And many of them have big boobs. BIG. Not of the real kind.

"Who would want fake boobies anyway" Marge asked all disgusted like.

Well, seeing as I'm a teeny weenie sporty gal I obviously am lacking- so is she. Aww, something in common!

I told her that all I want is fake skin. Turns out they haven't come up with a plastic surgery to suit my needs yet.

January 3rd : A New Year, a New Leaf *Picture Day*

I've been drinking hot cocoa and relaxing with nearly a week off work.

No deadlines, no drama, no plaster casting the makeup on my face before a live shot.

The indulgence was just cest magnifique! So I couldn't bring myself to come near a computer.

Now, 1 Nicolas Sparks book, 50 catch-up episodes of Real Housewives, and 1 empty bag of pecan crisp later I'm ready to show my face.

And it ain't pretty.

Going into a new year I'm making a few minor adjustments.

I'll skip on the alcohol. Unless it's ultra premium fruity, and totally fabulous. The rest of the time I'll skip on it. I'm no extremist.

To quench my skin's thirst I'll also drink more water and eat a bit healthier.

I'm also going to give myself a break already. Enough neurotic obsessing over my skin for god's sake. It sucks. It's not Cover Girl glamorous. It likely never will be. And that's going to have to be ok.

Look. We all have issues. Every person's is different. For so many people it's overeating, or being unable to shed the pounds, having physical limitations or anxiety, depression, or elephantitis.

If weight is your issue you're probably plagued with it the way that I'm plagued with my acne.

My husband is an overeater, and was dealt a shitty metabolism to boot.

"I wish I could take a pill that would get rid of my problem". he said to me today while we were driving to Target to buy me a big kid lunchbox for the big healthy plans I have.

How fun would it be if we were all thin, athletic, with pearly white teeth and crystal clear skin?

This year I will strive for skin perfection, but understand that the girls in the Revlon commercials probably have eating dissorders.

At least I have a full lunch box.

December 27th Closing Week 7 *Picture Day!*

7 Weeks in... can that be right?

You can see from my expression exactly how I'm feeling about this whole process right about now.

And here's my status update: my skin is still playing double dog dare with me.

Daring me to do anything other than eat organic foods, nothing sugary, no alcohol.

Which should be fun going into the New Year.

If I don't listen this New Year's Eve, a fate worse than a horrific hangover... a face full of acne for a week to come.